Menace “2” Tha Orthodoxy: The story of rogue astronomers Tom Van Flandern and Halton Arp as told in rap
Ima here to tell ya'll girlz and boyz
about the belt we call the asteroids
I'm Tom Van Flandern and I am the man and
Goddammit it's an exploded planet!
Talkin' 'bout the Exploded Planet Hypothesis
and to back it up I'm kickin' mad evidence
But they say my theory's not a lion but a mouse
well my scientific credentials are as big as a house
But what's a poor planetary scientist to do
when you got funky predictions that have come true
but still your critics won't make amends
because, well, they don't like your friends."
They say, "Tom it's not what but who you know
(like the Face on Mars posse and their wack freakshow)
Tom, your hypothesis is a second-rater
talkin' 'bout exploded planets like my man Darth Vader."
And Tom sez: "I know it seems like nothing but a crater but
let's talk about the Face on Mars later 'cuz
Ima here to tell ya'll girlz and boyz
about the belt we call the asteroids
I'm Tom Van Flandern and I am the man and
goddammit it's an exploded planet
They say it's the planet that never was
but I guess you just haven't caught the buzz, 'cuz
my Exploded Planet Theory might be right, aiite?
Check the asteroid pictures from the NEAR satellite:
They thought it would just be a big rock
or a piece of iron in a giant block
but instead they got pictures of a layered crust from a much larger body that musta gone bust
if it's a 'sploded planet than that's just what it should be
and it's exactly the way that I predicted it would be
Still they won't give me the time of day
sayin, 'Ain't nothin' make a planet blow up that way'
Well maybe it was some kinda fusion event
whatever the case, that planet got up and went
Kaboom! Blasting thru the stellar neighborhood
(critics say not acting like a planet should)
leaving asteroids behind to hang out in space
shooting out comets all over the place
sending out a blast wave across the solar system
early man was watching and it just barely missed 'im."
When his predictions came true I coulda just about kissed 'im
but the scientific orthodoxy just up and dissed him
Tom sez: "You know it doesn't bother me
I can handle alla negative publicity
I'm fresh -- not old like a museum
Ima just keep callin' alla shots like I see 'em
I think that's what they really don't like, sike
I'm not suckin' on the monies that keep 'em all in line, like
I started my own research organization
for the unpopular ideas of which I am the champion
'cuz it's about integrity it's not about bux
oh, and one more thing -- the Big Bang theory sux!
And it sux ya'll, and it sux ya'll, and it sux and it sux and it sux ya'll
And good luck ya'll, cuz yer stuck ya'll
yer just a buncha sittin' ducks ya'll
and it's no good ya'll, it's no good ya'll
it's scientific dead wood ya'll
but now I'm gonna pass the mike
to my friend Halton Arp come on and shout what ya like."
"Well Halton Arp is my name
and the 'Redshift Controversy' well we're one and the same
but you can call me 'Chip' and I'm here to tell ya
not to buy everything that they try to sell ya
they say redshifts due to the expansion of space
and when I say no it ain't you get all up in my face
but I'm seeing things supposed to be far away
but they're looking close together to me today
like the two great tastes that taste great togetha
you got your quasar in my spiral nebula
this knowledge that I give is something you can't handle
of galaxies exploding like roman candles
I'm kickin explanations for the anomalies
and in astronomy it's my specialty
quasars, galaxies, excess redshift, "G"
well they're takin it all out on me
I'm taking it all real personally
They fired my ass see? Dropped a bomb on me
Now I gots to work in col' Germany
but I know what I see, you can't ridda me
I'm not going away so easily
ya'll been blinded, see, by deductivity
I'm making my case empirically
people say I'm too fiery
I'm martyr to free inquiry
JFK was nothin next to me
talkin' bout a science conspiracy
of silence to shut me out
not to hear what I'm all about
so to all young scientists out there
a warning -- you better beware
of what you say and who you read
better believe -- don't be seen with me
Not on your booklist -- more like a blacklist
It makes me wanna use my fists
Cuz I'm the world's most pissed scientist
Not since Galileo has there been one so dissed
as me -- a buckwild malcontent
sowing scientific seeds of discontent
I was respected -- many times decorated
until my telescope time was terminated
I had nerve -- I had the gumption
to question fundamental assumptions
that was the hitch -- they hit a glitch
when they realized I wasn't gonna be their bitch
but my radical ideas come as no surprise
cuz I can work a telescope better'n any a you guys
that's why I am so dope
cuz I'm number one with a telescope that's right number one with a telescope yeah
number one with a telescope"
Recommended Reading: Dark Matter, Missing Planets, and New Comets by Tom Van Flandern, and Quasars, Redshifts, and Controversies and Seeing Red by Halton Arp. Van Flandern online at www.metaresearch.org , Arp online at www.haltonarp.org .
(Lyrics from a track of the same name as found on the Gonzo Science CD.)